What Am I Afraid Of?

(Edited to Add: I am NOT a blogger or a writer. I started not to put this here because of that reason, but then I determined that those were excuses to cover up fear;-).................


So....... the kids and I were having a conversation (prompted by discussions of Halloween and the State Fair) about why people love to be frightened. We talked about how they got a kick out of hiding behind the door when Dad is coming in from work and jumping out to scare him. We talked about spook houses (I don’t know how they know so much about these, as they have never been to one???). Anyway, we talked about the free-fall ride (and others) at the fair. Everyone had the general agreement that we, as people, tend to like being scared. It’s scary for a moment, but when you “come around” you laugh and think it’s great.

Well, the conversation we had was just trivial, of course. But later I began to dwell on this word --FEAR. Why is it that we are so drawn to it? The stuff with the kids involved being drawn to fear for entertainment purposes. But when I really thought about it, fear draws us in to some areas that it really is definitely NOT for entertainment purposes.

When I examine the things I do day to day. How much am I driven by fear? Not consciously, of course. After all, I do things because I want to and I really don’t care what others think, right?!?! But seriously, if I am completely honest with myself, I probably do most things (particularly parenting) out of fear of something. That something may vary from situation to situation, but….still fear.

I like to think I am passed the whole caring what other people think. When I examine decisions I make though, I see that this is not always true. But what I am noticing more and more, is that I am making too many decisions with fear of what *I* think. Do I fear myself? Not really, I guess. What I fear is (perceived) reality. That probably doesn’t make any sense. What I mean is that I do (or don’t do) a lot of things based on what I think will (or will not) result. My fears have shifted from being afraid of what people will think to my perceptions of “if….then….” scenarios. It’s still fear. Fear of the known or fear of the unknown. Still fear.

Of course I know its wrong to do anything out of fear of ANYTHING other than the Lord. I know all the “Christian” answers about fear and how Satan and sin is the culprit, if we trust God enough, we will have no fear, yadee yadah. But as I thought about it, the kids are really right. We are drawn to fear. Plain and simple. We don’t mean to be. It’s just where our (perceived) comfort is. If we didn’t use some type of fear to guide us, we would feel flippant about our choices. Just something to think about.

……..Father, help me to be drawn to You. Not fear. You are all that matters. I know that I know that I know this. Help me to live in that place. The fun and rides of fear may have its place in playful endeavors, but not in my relationships, whether that be with my kids and how I lead them, or my friendships and how I pursue and cultivate them, or even with myself and how I make simple day to day choices. May I be drawn to You and only you…….